This week is National Infertility Awareness Week and it has made me think about the journey we have taken with infertility. I never thought that we wouldn't have a baby right now. I imagined us taking our baby for walks in the afternoon, visiting with family and friends, and just being busy parents. But, I have learned that God has a different plan for us. I know that this journey has made Matt and me grow closer as a couple and we have a deeper bond because of it. I can't believe that this time a year ago, we found out that our second IUI had failed. We just knew that this one had been "the one". But then life happened - like my Mamaw being diagnosed with a fatal brain tumor and me losing my job. So, I know that there is a bigger plan for the Voughts. Do we understand it? Not right now, but we will. Do we understand why teenagers get pregnant so easily? Do we understand why people who aren't even married get pregnant so easily? I don't understand it and I guess I never will. Every time I see someone who isn't married announce they are pregnant, it hurts my heart. I know that I might be stepping on some toes, but I don't think it is fair. We want a baby so badly and yet it has not been given to us yet. But other people are allowed this gift. I guess I just needed to share how I was feeling and I appreciate anyone who is reading this. I want to share a video that just speaks to me so much.
3 comments:
Leigh ~ my heart hurts for you right now. I am glad you shared your thoughts and your feelings... they are so real, so raw. The song was beautiful. I am going to share it with a friend of mine who has experienced the same issues you have faced. God's timing is impossible to determine and so difficult - at times - to understand. I stand in awe of your faith and your determination. You are loved. Holding you in my thoughts and lifting you up in prayer. ~ aeb
Leigh - this may seem odd but I'm going to type out my prayer for you as I say it in my mind... Heavenly Father, my friend Leigh is hurting. Please give her a peace that goes well beyond anything she could ever understand. Put her mind and body at ease and help her to see your sovereign hand in her life even when nothing makes sense around her. We know that we, like Paul and like Christ himself, might be called to suffer on your behalf but it sure does stink. I don't know what your plans are for Leigh but I do know that you love her and that you have a purpose for everything she experiences. Help us all to trust you even when the world around us seems so confusing and unfair. I pray this in Christ's name, the only one who can bring true peace.
I haven't cried like this in a while....your feelings are so raw and REAL! I applaud you for talking about them...as I held mine in for years and it did nothing to help. Keep trying, keep believing, keep hoping, don't ever give up! Our God is a God who answers prayers and I am adding you to mine daily! SO thankful for my Peyton....conceived through IVF! Our God is a good God!
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